Satire

8 Predictions for the Next NBA Bubble

Because deep down we all know that Coronavirus isn’t going anywhere

Photo by Miltiadis Fragkidis on Unsplash

1. 29 Teams teams show up for training camp; the Hornets aren’t there. Nobody notices.
2. Micheal Beasley arrives at the bubble because the Atlanta Hawks sign him for a minimum guarantee. He gets sent away three days later for trying to sneak Bernice Burgos and some backwoods into his hotel.
3. Ernie Johnson announces that he will be leaving NBA Today to focus on his paid newsletter. Kenny Smith begins to give Ernie a heartwarming goodbye speech. Shaq abruptly interrupts by reminding Charles Barkley that he has no rings.
4. Adrian Wojnarowski reports that Kyrie Irving and Kevin Durant get in a heated argument about Objective Naturalism and the Higgs Boson. Steve Nash claims that their relationship is unsalvagable. Shams Charania slaps a cup off his desk like Denzel slapped the cup off Richie Roberts' desk in American Gangster; he realizes that he will never be Woj.
5. There’s another moment of civil unrest due to the unfair treatment of Black People in America. The NBA Players and League respond swiftly with #Standbyus sweatbands; Jason Whitlock quits in response. Micheal Porter JR and Jonathan Issac are so disgusted by the league-wide support of black lives that they leave the NBA to play…